And so, I said to myself

This post is written in response to the Writing Challenge issued by this loser, who obviously put NO forethought into how hard this might be before opening her big mouth. This letter is directed at me, ages 14-17.

Dear Downward Spiral Amy,

Oh jebus, I don’t know where to start. You poor, poor, misguided soul… you have far to go and much to learn.

First, your family is s-c-r-e-w-e-d up. I know that you realize this to some extent, but I don’t think you’ll ever grasp the height and the breadth of their dysfunction. I’m telling you this so you can try to stop letting their manipulation and lies destroy you. I know it’s hard and I know you don’t believe everything they say. However, I also know that in your heart of hearts, you wonder if they are right. They aren’t. You are better than that and contrary to what you’ve been raised to believe… EVERYTHING IS NOT YOUR FAULT! They are the ones who failed you, not the other way around.

Second, the answer is “yes”. Sadly, your suspicions are correct. Just because it didn’t play out like a scene of Law & Order doesn’t mean anything. It makes me sad that you won’t figure that out for twelve whole years. I know you (we) have issues stemming from a million different places, but I really believe this was the catalyst that drove you over the edge. Talk to someone. I wish I could tell you who, but even now as an adult that knows better, I can’t think of a single person for you to confide in. I’m sorry that you are so alone. But it is not your fault that you have no support system. And taking an entire bottle of these isn’t going to change that.

Cutting? Stop it. Seriously. Knock! It! Off! And quit dyeing your hair blonde. It doesn’t look as natural as you think. And when your future husband sees pictures of you as a blonde, he’ll shudder.

Keep up with your writing. Find a safe place to put it and save it. But stop wasting your creative energies writing for people who don’t deserve it.

Change the company you keep. There will be some things said about you that aren’t true, and it’s because you’re being found guilty by association. You can’t count on those people, so stop sacrificing so much for them. The same advice for you after you change schools. Yes, that group you hang out with has a decent place in the social hierarchy, but it’s not worth the dark path you’ll find yourself on. You’re going to be exposed to a lot of bad things and people who are even worse. You’ll prevent a lot of damage, both to your heart and to your brain cells, if you just walk away. Lay off the pot and those other drugs. Remember “Just Say No”? Try it some time. And for the love of God… please, please, please stop drinking. Your list of regrets would be significantly smaller if you’d just sober up.

Stop giving other people so much power to define your value. I know you’re insecure, but you don’t need to be. You are incredibly smart. Stop being embarrassed about that and start doing something with it. And you are beautiful. I know why you hide from it, but you don’t have to. Don’t be afraid to stand out. You aren’t a little girl anymore. Trust your gut. Discover a little thing called ‘boundaries’. It’s good stuff. And be nice to people. It won’t kill you and it isn’t a sign of weakness.

You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you stop ‘falling in love’ with any man who is nice to you. I know that your poor little heart is aching for love and attention, but those feelings are not love. You won’t meet your future husband until you are out of your teens, so stop searching so desperately for your ‘true love’.

Keep in touch with Joey EB. He is a great friend and you will really miss him after he moves away. You’ll spend most of your adult life wondering what happened to him. And cherish every single moment you have with JLee. Write down every last detail so you can remember it later. Tell him everything you have always wanted to tell him. Hug him more. Don’t ever take him for granted, not for one second. And if you can figure out some way to make him afraid of water, that would be even better.

Treasure your Aunt Kathy. She won’t be around too much longer. Fight for her! You know in your heart that the way your grandma treats her is wrong, don’t be afraid to say something. Maybe then she can live out the rest of her life comfortably.

And don’t spend any time with the younger cook from work. He’s a stalker. And DO NOT date that guy who is SEVEN years older than you. Take your blinders off. Joey Lee knows he’s bad for you, listen to him.

I know you aren’t going to take my advice, because you are stubborn and self-destructive and think you know everything. But in spite of all that, things will turn around eventually. I promise they will.

Love,

Yourself. (And that’s the best advice of all.)